Happy "Birthday!"

More Than Words is a year old today! I have attempted to keep and update many blogs before, but none have stuck around as long as MTW. So today I am celebrating! Take a look here to see the first post I wrote on this blog.

As I continue onto my second year of blogging, I am aware of areas in which I would like to see MTW improve. For instance, I wish to be able to engage and gain more followers so that I could have my own website. I also wish to be more consistent and creative in my writing and publishing of posts. I'd like to be able to use better camera equipment, have better picture-taking opportunities, and overall have better picture quality so that I may express myself through photography alongside my posts. I hope to connect with others and maybe even make a few friends. 

For those of you who read and follow More Than Words, thank you! With a desire to grow the site, I would like to gain some feedback from you! Please comment with things you like & dislike, posts & topics you would like to see more of, and any other feedback you may have.

Thanks for the love! xx

A Year With Shadowfax

We've had our trusty steed for over a year now, so here is a recap of some of the highlights of our first year together.

April 2014

+ As newly married Woodbecks, we welcomed Shadowfax to the family at the end of April. We had to give my leased vehicle back and we were sad to say goodbye. But we welcomed Shadowfax with open arms and lots of excitement for the adventures that were before us!

May 2014

+ On Memorial Day weekend, we made a trip to Detroit to spend a day at the Detroit Institute of Arts (DIA) [If you’ve never been, I highly suggest going!]. We were also able to spend some time with family that weekend, and it would be the last big trip we would make before having a baby.

July 2014

+ On July 25^th, Shadowfax brought mom and baby safely to the hospital at 6:30am. Mom had been in labor for about 13 hours at that point and had a rush of excitement and nerves as she entered the hospital alone to begin the check-in process (dad had to go and park Shadowfax in a temporary stall).

+ On July 27^th, he cautiously brought the baby V. and her parents home.

October 2014

+ We made a trip to Owosso so that V. could meet her great grandmother Joan.

+ Shadowfax would have to be even more trustworthy now as he had the task of taking A. to and from his new job every day.

November 2014

+ An anniversary trip from the west side of the state to the east side of the state was completed. Our stops were to Sandy’s (for our wedding donuts), Garfield (A.’s parent’s house), Jonesville (my hometown), Saline (where my mother lives), IKEA, Jackson (pit stop for gas and coffee), and back again to GR.

December 2014

+ We again made a trip to my hometown of Jonesville to spend the weekend with my grandparents, siblings, and cousins to decorate Christmas cookies.

March 2015

+ Winter kept me and V. indoors, but Shadowfax trudged through the snow to take A. back and forth to work each day. Finally, on the last weekend of the month we again went to the east side of the state so that we could visit family and IKEA. Sadly, Shadowfax was just a bit too small to bring the new couch home.

April 2015

+ To celebrate his first year with us, we gave Shadowfax his first car wash and vacuum! [Better late than never, right?]

Just look at that handsome fella!

Nine Months In ... Nine Months Out

My daughter turned nine months old today. And while it may not seem like a huge deal to some people, I think it warrants attention. Considering she spent nine months inside my womb, a look at her nine months later is a fitting way to compare how much time has passed. I can't believe she is this old already - where has the time gone?!

So, here I present: nine months in ... nine months out. Along with some outtakes and other pictures from our small photo session this afternoon (thanks, papa)!

July 6, 2014 - a photo from my mini maternity session. Awaiting the arrival of our little babe!

April 25th, 2015 - V at nine months old.

Outtakes and other good photos:

Also, accidental twinning...

Meaningful Musings

#tbt
A year ago today we saw our baby for the first time. What an experience! Choosing not to find out the sex was the best decision ever. It made the birth a great and wonderful surprise.

As I continue to pack away V's old clothes or items that are no longer of use, I find myself reminiscing over her life in all of its past and present stages. Right now I am longing for her newborn stage and the feelings surrounding her arrival. The other day I was reading over congratulatory cards that we received from family members, friends, coworkers, and neighbors, and my heart was filling with so much love and gratitude for everyone who reached out to us and to her. It's fascinating how a baby really does change everything. Those first few days and weeks as a new family of three are my favorite.

Finding her ultrasound pictures the other day also got me thinking about my pregnancy. I can honestly say it was one of the best experiences. Though now I find it odd to think of myself being pregnant and its hard to remember those nine months. Realizing that this time last year I was almost in the final stages of pregnancy is strange and feels like a lifetime ago. I will gladly do it again someday.

My advice to pass along is this: 1. cherish every moment. Seriously, they go by so quickly. You will find yourself missing the good and bad moments. 2. opt not to find out the sex of your baby or share names. I know it goes against the trend today, but it gives you more perspective on the whole journey. It makes life simpler. Priorities change. (If you need more clarification on what I mean, please don't hesitate to ask)

Now go kiss those babies!! xo

Weekend Wanderings

On Friday, A left work early so we could make our way to the east side of the state to spend the weekend in Saline visiting my mom. We also had the pleasure of visiting with my brother and grandparents this weekend. I don’t see my family often, so it’s nice (and convenient) if we can all make plans to gather at the same time. Of course, V was a big hit with everyone. For those who do not witness V’s daily growth and development for months at a time, seeing her can be quite exciting. Even for my mom who sees her most often out of all my family members, it is a joyful meeting. And V has grown very fond of her, too. She liked seeing my mom as much as my mom did her. The weekend away with family was much needed and a good change of pace. We’re so thankful that we were able to make the trip!

Aside from the opportunity to spend time with family, another reason we made the trip was to stop at IKEA again. Our last visit four months ago had us itching to go back! As before, this trip was successful—as all IKEA shoppers know, it’s hard not to find at least something you can’t go without (if not ten!). But this time, prepared with a mental list of household necessities, we were able to find few more items. Our major purchase was a new couch—a Strandmon in grey. I am looking forward to accenting it with some colorful pillows and a nice blanket! Although purchasing a new couch has been on our list for some time, we did not plan to buy one on this visit. However, upon finding the couch we made note of last time, we discovered it on sale—and as a “last chance” item! So we seized the opportunity and made the purchase. We are excited for its arrival in another week! The prospect of our new addition has us once again brainstorming color schemes, styles, designs, themes, and decorations for our present and future home.

We concluded our weekend by celebrating Palm Sunday at St. Andrew, a church I used to attend when I lived in Saline. It was good to go back again and yet also very strange returning to a place I hadn't seen in nearly eight years. If you've ever moved from one city to another I’m sure you can relate. This was the first mass that A and I attended alone as a couple since our daughter was born eight months ago. Although it has been a joy to bring her to mass and raise her in the faith, I was especially appreciative to have my mom babysit since this Sunday’s service was longer than the usual mass… and V can barely make it through one of those these days!

As Lent nears its end and we embrace/enter Holy Week, let us remember that all we have is through Christ and He deserves the praise! Let us reflect on our Lenten practices and resolutions. Let us prepare for Christ’s resurrection and be ready to join Him in celebration on Easter!

Meaningful Musings

With each passing day I watch my daughter transform, grow, and learn. In a matter of no time she went from barely crawling, to crawling all over and getting into things, to now making attempts at pulling herself up onto everything.  And as a witness to these moments that I so cherish and am happy to be able to witness firsthand, I find myself – from time to time – thinking of my own growth and maturity; especially in the past three to five years.

I dwell fondly, and with most attention, on my time with A.

The introduction of his presence into my life was perfect. At the time I had recently let go of some heartache and was trying to find myself again. (If you’re reading this, you know who you are ;) ). Thankfully, that heartache turned into a good friendship that is sometimes reunited.

Anyway, all of that to say that A and I became interests and good friends in a brief amount of time. As our friendship grew, so did our love for one another. Our faith in God grew as well because of our time spent together; therefore, our trust in His timing and plan for our lives also had to grow.

Well, five years later and we still sometimes fail to trust God’s plan for our lives. Just yesterday evening we were pondering where we would be if we weren’t married or had baby girl V. It is a question that I (probably all too often) am always dwelling upon as it wasn’t my plan to have a baby so soon after marriage. But A and I always come to the conclusion that it was perfect timing and that we are so happy to be where we are now.

The reason I wrote this post is because lately I have been thinking about our engagement photos and the couple we were before marriage or starting a family occurred. Sometimes I forget what life, our relationship, and even I was like before the big events, but it doesn’t do much good to dwell on them too much anyway. With the excitement of marriage just a few months away, we were so ready to begin life together. Little did we know what was in store for us! All good things, of course!

Here is the specific engagement picture I have been thinking about –

This shot is just outside the Academic Building (AB) on Aquinas College’s campus. We decided to take pictures on campus because that’s where we first met (specifically in English class in AB), it is the place we identify with most, the campus has beautiful locations, scenery, and greenery, and it would also be where we would get married – at the small chapel on campus called Bukowski Chapel.

In fact, just a few steps away from where this picture was taken was where A first hugged me. Of course, preceding the hug was a greeting of “dude” which at the time struck me as an odd way to address a girl, yet I also felt as though the greeting was reserved only for people of great importance. With his outstretched arms and warm embrace, I was assured that his greeting was that of deep friendship. I would come to know that such a greeting was common amongst his group of friends and that it wasn’t at all out of the ordinary to be addressed this way.

Who knew that three years later we would be standing in the same spot - not on purpose by photographer or us; I hadn’t even thought about it until I began writing this post! - as a newly engaged couple, excited for our day of engagement photos and the prospect of marriage (and the rest of our lives together) in six months? (These photos were taken at the end of June 2013)

Winter Recap

With winter FINALLY ALMOST GONE and spring on its lovely way, I thought it would be fun to provide a recap of some things that were accomplished this season. I never usually keep a record like this, but with writing one I can feel better knowing that I didn’t just sit inside for four months and do absolutely nothing. Winter is always an unenjoyable time for me, and being that this year I didn’t have to work or go outside much, I had to be creative with how to use my time indoors. I really missed the opportunity to have lots of greenery in the apartment, so that will definitely have to go on the list for next year!

Winter recap –

recipes made [some new, some old]:

+ veggie soup (x4)

+ pizza dough (xWeekly, almost)

+ spinach, mushroom, and zucchini lasagna

+ veggie bean burgers (x3)

+ salsa (x2) [recipe found here]

+ chocolate chip/butterscotch chip/flax seeds/walnut cookies

+ walnut rum wafers ( - rum + cocoa)

+ chocolate cut-out sugar cookies (for Christmas)

DIYs:

+ heart garland [diy found here]

+ recipes listed above

household / homemaking:

+ rearranged apartment (x2) [related post found here]

+ simplified “stuff” and gave away many items [related post found here]

+ hung holiday, seasonal decorations & memorabilia

+ framed artwork, hung pictures/memorabilia

+ got rid of cable and internet

+ bought a small Ivy plant

baby v:

+ eating some solid food

+ cut two (bottom) teeth

+ crawling

+ completely transitioned to her own room and bed :( - done with decorating & set up

+ doing cloth diaper laundry ourselves (no more service)

+ photoshoot session

+ smiles for the camera/phone when you hold it up to her and say “cheese!”

personal / husband & wife:

+ virtual marriage retreat with Pope Francis (National Marriage Week) [post found here]

+ Lenten daily devotional [related post found here]

+ read Cuckoo’s Calling

+ completed lots of word search puzzles

+ celebrated A’s 26^th birthday (a one year subscription to Reader’s Digest & Clarks (lifetime guarantee) socks were my gifts to him)

+ re-vamped the blog a bit more/decided on a style (still hoping to have an actual website soon) / made a Facebook page for the blog for easier access

+ visits with/from family and friends

+ decided to go as organic as possible after reading an Organic Living book received for Christmas

+ watched movies / my favorite: The Grand Budapest Hotel

+ found some direction in terms of career / excited for the new possibilities! Now it’s just about implementation and acquiring clientele – expected to be a continually developing process

Now it's time to create a list of all the things I am looking forward to and hope to accomplish this spring! What are some of your winter recap moments?

The Season of Lent

Today is Ash Wednesday. The season of Lent has begun. We, as Christians, are now walking with Christ on our forty day journey through the desert – from death into life, as we will joyfully celebrate on Easter Sunday.

This morning I began reading my daily Lenten devotional (wrong year, but it still works). The gospel reading was from Matthew (6:1-6, 16-18) and touched on a subject that, as we begin Lent and throughout, we must keep in mind: Jesus says, “Take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father.” This message is not directed towards Lent alone, and can be applied to our daily lives as we are influenced by social media, news, friends, family, and even people we do not know. We are guilty of trying to impress others through these mediums which we believe will satisfy us and fill a void inside. Lent is not about getting attention from others in regards to your deeds or fasting. Rather, it is a very personal, private journey in which we must open ourselves up to becoming closer with God through our actions and prayers.

As R. Scott Hurd, the author of my devotional, further explains:

"Jesus knows that we often bring mixed motives to our religious undertakings. Some of our motivations – the ones inspired by God – are noble and good … But sometimes we have other motives that aren’t as laudable. We may do religious things because we hope others will see us as holy, or at least good, and perhaps admire us for the kind things we’ve done. When we act in this way, we’re seeking to glorify ourselves – and there’s the catch. As Christians, all we do, in one way or another, should be done for the glory of God. As we journey through the days of Lent, let’s ask the Lord to purify our motives, so that what we do is not driven by concern for public relations, but by a genuine sprit of praise and humble commitment to the Gospel."

I invite you to share some of your Lenten resolutions! Through sharing, we can help each other when we fall, pray for one another, and walk the journey together.

Here are some of my Lenten resolutions/practices:

+ reading and praying a daily Lenten devotional

+ praying each day for specific family members and causes

+ cutting back on sugar intake (it’s one of my biggest temptations)

+ taking time to be a better friend and get in touch with those I have been meaning to; better contact/communication and connection with those friends I do see more often; deepening friendships through meaningful discussion

+ making donations to the CRS Rice Bowl

+ attending a few Soup and Stations (of the Cross) events on Friday evenings; also, perhaps attending a Fish Fry

What are your Lenten resolutions this year?

Heart Garland DIY

Perhaps it looks a bit childish, but it's the thought that counts, right? :D

I have had TONS of leftover, unused coffee filters sitting in my cupboards for months. I have been brainstorming other ways to make use of them, and with Valentine's Day coming up, I figured it would be simple enough to cut out some hearts and put them on a string. So, there ya have it. And with the intention of having perfectly shaped hearts, I was able to use a lot of filters as it took a few tries to get the right heart! Get creative and think of other ways to shape the hearts, other string colors to use, and other times of the year to hang up some heart garland.

What are some other ways to use unused coffee filters?

Seven Day Virtual Marriage Retreat

National Marriage Week began on February 7th and ends February 14th. A virtual retreat with Pope Francis was created and can be found here (Marriage Retreat #2). Please take some time each day for seven days to pray for your own marriage and also the marriages of those around you. Even those dating or engaged can participate in the retreat.

A and I are behind on starting the retreat (this weekend was filled with sickness and restless nights), so although our day one starts today, we will still take time each day to pray for our marriage. And just in time for Valentine's Day, too! What a better way to celebrate :) Especially since our marriage is still fresh, we believe it is very important to begin praying for and strengthening our marriage in these early years to ensure a lifelong union bound in love, friendship, trust, and faith.

More resources about National Marriage Week, mass readings and prayers, and even Catholicism in general, can be found on these websites: usccb.org and wau.org. I am also available for questioning or discussion :)

From our wedding day: November 2nd, 2013 - Frederik Meijer Gardens and Sculpture Park

 Grand Rapids, MI

Easy Homemade Salsa

One of our favorite snacks to have on hand at the Woodbeck Household is tortilla chips & salsa. Literally every time we make a trip to the grocery store we are picking up a new bag of chips and a new jar of salsa to replenish our stock. Well, last time we went to the store I suggested buying ingredients to make salsa on our own because I felt as though we were spending so much money on this delicious snack every time when it's easy enough to make at home. Just pick up a few cans of tomatoes, beans, and chiles to keep your pantry stocked for whenever you're ready to make more salsa!

Last night we made the salsa to complement the burritos we were having for dinner. It turned out great and was so fresh and delicious! The recipe is below.

Ingredients:
+ a 28oz can petite diced tomatoes (we accidentally bought a regular diced can and the chunks of tomato were a little too big, but it worked. Also, depending upon the consistency you prefer, you can choose to drain all or most of the juice)
+ 1/3 - 1/2 cup black beans, drained (amount depends upon your liking)
+ small can of green chiles (we went for mild), peeled and cut
+ frozen corn (thawed)
+ diced onion, diced red pepper, diced green pepper
+ fresh cilantro, salt, and pepper to taste (one could also add garlic powder)

The instructions are simple: basically, just mix everything together to your liking! My husband made the salsa for us last night and the flavor was perfect. Serve with tortilla chips or in a burrito, and enjoy!

A Valentine DIY

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner (I know you've been counting down the days), you might be looking for a gift idea. Well, this DIY is cute and simple. And if you’re like me and have little to no crafting talent, it is also very easy, fun, and cheap! This gift is also perfect for any other occasion where you might want to let someone know how much you love them - such as a birthday or anniversary. AND, it can be a gift for anyone: a spouse, a friend, a loved one, or your children.

I made this for A as a birthday gift a few years ago, and while it can be difficult to come up with 52 ideas (not that there isn't that much to love about him, but that sometimes things become redundant!), he appreciated the time and thought put into each card. And since I am also terrible at figuring out gifts to give to people, it was easy for me to obtain the supplies and make the gift itself.

Supplies needed:

+ a deck of cards

+ a fine tip permanent marker

+ a list of 52 Things I Love About You

Simply write "52 Things I Love About You" on the card box, write a phrase on each card with a marker, shuffle the deck and place back into box, wrap it up (if you so choose), and give it to a lucky person!

In the end, this gift would cost you the price of cards ($3?), and some time spent coming up with loving ideas about the person you’re giving the gift to! It’s a very thoughtful gift that anyone is sure to enjoy! Afterwards, use the cards for a card game, carry one on your person to serve as a reminder, use a card as a bookmark, or even place one on the fridge. 

Weekend Wanderings

I'm sure I have posted about this before, but ever have one of those really good weekends? One where the balance between getting things accomplished and resting was just perfect? Well, this weekend was another one of those weekends for me.

Saturday started with my husband making an overdue trip to the auto shop for an oil change. I'm so relieved that it is taken care of! Once my husband arrived home, we made an obligatory Saturday stop for some donuts at our favorite local bakery, Sandy's, on our way to the in-laws for breakfast. The rest of the day was spent accomplishing other things on our list which left us feeling satisfied of the fact that we had used our time well (though perhaps not exactly according to schedule). But why do you need to have a strict schedule on the weekend anyway? :)

Most of Sunday was spent rearranging the apartment yet again. My husband did most of the rearranging this time; which is odd because I'm usually the one itching to change things. But I was thankful that he took initiative to move the furnishings in ways he thought were more practical for our lifestyle these days. Yesterday we successfully changed the living room and dining room and tonight we plan to finish off with the two bedrooms.

One of the main reasons for the need for change is due to the fact that our daughter is now sleeping in her own room (sob!) and needs more space. We have been placing her in the other room for a few weeks now to see if any of us would sleep better, and what was thought to be a temporary solution has now become a permanent one. I am sad to let her go! We have all slept in the same room since her birth and I truly miss her presence (even though I still get up 1-2 times a night to nurse). I have been a bit tender these past few weeks with the sobering fact that my daughter is getting older. I'm realizing how quickly it is happening and sometimes wishing to go back to those first few days and weeks of her life.

Another main reason I itch for change is because of my constant desire to not remain stagnant! I want to learn, do something new, travel, live somewhere else, move! As much as I hate moving (because of how many times I have had to do it in the past six years), I also hate being in the same place for too long. Add it to the fact that I am indoors all day, every day during winter and there you have my need to DO SOMETHING. Rearranging the apartment allows me the opportunity to live in a new space in a new way without actually having to move somewhere else. Granted, moving is a goal of ours for this year, but for now we are willing to live well within our space.

Anyway, back to the new arrangement. We are satisfied with where our furnishings and belongings are now placed, especially since we were aiming for more practicality and functionality. I currently have two new favorites:

The first is this small gathering area in our living room -

The chairs are actually from our dining room table set. We don't have guests over often enough to make use out of all four chairs so we figured they would be put to better use as more seating in the living room. And, if we do happen to need them for entertaining guests for a meal then we can simply move them into the dining room. The table is one we picked up for free from someone in our apartment building who was moving and didn't want to take it along (we snatched a few more items from them also). It has never been my favorite table, but I can already tell this is going to be the best spot and use for it. We decorated it simply with a few magazines and books as well as one of the MANY wheat centerpieces we made for our wedding.

The second is how we decided to make use of this piece of furniture -

Originally, this cart held our television, dvd player, cable box, and internet modem. However, I always wanted to make better use of it because I love the wheels and the storage space underneath. So, we got rid of cable, moved the tv & dvd player to our room, and wheeled this lovely piece of furniture to just inside the dining area for better use.

The idea was to use this cart as a coffee cart, but considering that we have so much produce these days (and not enough places to store it), I figured we could use the top of the cart as a produce stand. As I did some brainstorming, I realized that the bottom of the cart could still be used for a few coffee & tea items, so we sort of have a coffee cart :) The placement of this cart is easily accessible and serves as a reminder to eat our fruits and veggies! Considering that it is a small piece on such a big wall, however, I am still trying to decide how to decorate that area a little better. I think a vase of flowers or greenery would look especially nice on the stand itself (once it becomes a little less cluttered), or I might put up some streamers/garland/etc just above the cart to make the area a bit more festive. I'll have to use Pinterest or Apartment Therapy as a reference if I can't figure out what to do :)

Hope the weekend was good to you!

Diary of a Stay-At-Home Mom: Day 23 - #projectsimplify

One of the projects I have been working on while staying home with Vienna has been simplifying EVERYTHING. And I mean it! I have sifted through the living room, kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and spare bedroom. I didn't mean to start this project, per se, but it has turned into quite the cleaning and organizing task. Each day I find more and more things to get rid of that I no longer want, use, or is just taking up space. Each day my piles grow and more and more things are getting put into bags for donation.

We live in a two-bedroom apartment, and don't have a ton of storage space (though renting a storage unit these past few months has helped tremendously). So my main goal has been learning to live with less, while having better quality. I realized that the past few years I have not had adequate time to go through my belongings because I was preoccupied with college, multiple moves, various apartments, work, and big life changes such as marriage and welcoming a baby. As I become more aware of myself and continue to create my identity, I find that I prefer a certain "style" and that I would like to streamline/make consistent that identity and style based upon the things I own and use in my daily life.

Let me tell you, this project leaves me feeling great! It feels so good to do a much-needed purging of items. While I think my husband is getting annoyed with my constant cleaning, organizing and re-organizing, consistent trips to Goodwill, and "Do you need this? Can I throw this away?" questioning, he assures me that he is not. Actually, the other day (upon noticing a more efficient use of kitchen space) he complimented me and said, "I love being married to you." I'm glad he sees my OCD with cleanliness and organization to be a good quality!

Although I am getting rid of a lot of items, I would also like to replace some that I think would help to enhance/solidify my style and identity. For instance, there are items of clothing, jewelry, and housewares that I would like to refresh since I have not shopped or updated in a long time. However, that will come in time. The goal is to live simply, right?

While I'm sure that this project will never completely end throughout life, I am glad that for future reference I will have a better idea of what items to keep, have on hand, throw away, or even collect. And hey, if you need help with cleaning or organizing in your place, you know who to call ;)

*This is the top of my dresser, simplified.

Pictured: Holy Water from Mount St. Mary's Grotto - Emmitsburg, MD; jewelry catch-all dish from World Market; box filled with other pieces of jewelry; July 2012 Linnea Design Calendar Poster 

P.S. I know it isn't July, but my husband put that poster on the wall to cheer me up (since I don't always do too well in the winter), to remind me of warm weather, and to remind me of the month my daughter was born this past year.

*The following story is merely an excerpt of a much larger experience that will be told through multiple posts. 

As my husband and I anxiously awaited the test result, I could feel my fears becoming reality—fears of carrying a foreign being inside me and physically having to deliver it, fears of giving up the perfect life I had been so patiently waiting to live and was now just stepping into as a new wife, fears of learning to give love when I was beginning to know how to receive it. I already knew the answer before looking at the test.

I was pregnant.

---

The hours and days that followed were some of the most agonizing and heart-breaking of my life. Even now as I write I think back to this event last year and the feelings that surrounded our shock and surprise. It's hard for me to even think about without stirring up feelings of anger, guilt, resentment, and deep sadness. But those times would also lead to a new me that I had never known before.

---

That holiday season was so bittersweet. We were a newly married couple - so happy and in love. And yet we were suddenly dealing with an unplanned pregnancy that we simply could not (and did not) want to accept. It was so hard. For the longest time, I just wanted it to go away. I didn't know how, but I prayed that somehow everything was just a fluke. I wasn't ready for a baby and I wasn't ready to lose my life as it was, as I dreamed it would be. I cried, and cried some more. Asa cried with me and tried to help. But there was nothing that would console me. I felt as though I was in a bad dream. When would I wake up? This wasn't really happening to me. It couldn't be…

I feared telling family and friends the news, too. I thought they wouldn't understand, would judge us for having a honeymoon baby. However, we found that when we did tell family and friends it was such a huge relief, a weight off our chests. We had been keeping a secret for so long and now that it was out in the open we could breathe a sigh of relief.

But even as I made doctor appointments, had blood tests, and attended a pregnancy class I denied it all. I thought, ‘We’ll never have to deal with this stuff because we're not really pregnant.’ Driving this resentment and denial was also my fear of being pregnant. I don’t know exactly where it came from, but the very thought of another thing growing inside me was terrifying, strange. During my engagement with Asa, the subject of sex and children was always slightly up in the air. We didn't avoid talking about it altogether, but when those conversations did come up neither of us walked away satisfied. Now it wasn't an issue that we had to agree on – it had been decided for us.

As the days slowly passed by we agreed/resolved to take things day by day. Thankfully, it worked out very well and helped us cope with our thoughts and emotions. However, I still struggled with the fact that my life plan had radically changed in a matter of no time. Of course, some of our family and friends already assumed that we were pregnant. This only added to my anger and sadness. “How did everyone else see this coming and not us?”

---

With the Advent season upon us, I'm using the same Advent reflection book that I have for a few years now, and I am realizing that it is resonating with me so much more this time around. The other day while reading the reflection I came across this passage.

...it was impossible not to think of miseries of my own that bore no resemblance to a gift at the time. It is almost always that way. Looking only at the surface of things, so much is veiled. From that vantage point it was almost impossible to glimpse the work of love, and even harder to imagine that pain and loss might be a vehicle for something much greater.

I think about the number of gifts I've failed to see and how many events I've imbued with a power they didn't have. And what if, instead of being outraged when I experience setbacks, I found the power within to trust that the present darkness might ultimately be transformed into a blaze of love?

As I read the passage, I had a deep sense of connection to the words being spoken, and to the woman who wrote them (Paula D' Arcy). Although her story is much more tragic than mine, I was able to relate to her sentiments.

Looking back, I ask myself, 'How could I not have trusted God? He has never let me down before; never led me astray. Why would this situation be any different?' But at the time, it was so hard for me to understand His plan and to trust Him. I was so blinded by anger and sadness that I wasn't able to see His great gift of love. To think that He trusted me and my husband enough with such a precious gift is really a testament that He knows what He is doing!

The Story Continues…

Diary of a Stay-at-Home Mom: Day One

Day One:

After an early morning nursing session (I wanted to sleep in, but Vie was being very chatty!), I got up and made breakfast and tea (had a little mishap, but all is well).

I then spent some time reading to Vienna His word. She listened intently (as she likes to watch mouths move) and it was a good start to the day.

Our plans for this dreary Monday:

- more winter/Advent/Christmas decorating

- a walk outside for some fresh air

- napping as much as we want

- lots of playtime and bonding

Instagram Accounts Worth Following

Lately on Instagram I have been following companies, people, or websites that I find from other people (or personally support) and am curious to learn more about. Generally I have an interest in the "type" of pictures they take - the way people portray their lives through photography, the products they offer, the creative vision, and the like.

One of my most recent finds is this California-made baby clothing company called Rylee and Cru. I first found them on Pinterest, then noticed they had an Instagram. Once I saw their products I fell in love! Besides the quality, comfortable, vintage-look of their clothing, the designs add a modern twist to baby basics which I enjoy. Also, it's a HUGE bonus that they offer gender-neutral clothing options - something not many clothing brands offer these days. I want to dress Vienna in all things Rylee and Cru! Plus, I love anything having to do with California :) Check out their website here.

I love this bunny onesie for Vie!

Another brand is one based in Philadelphia and is called United By Blue, which I discovered from an Instagram mom that I follow (who also has her own brand/company). They sell durable goods (like warm socks for these cold Midwestern winters) which allow the company to be sustainable - they are very environmentally friendly. Their motto is, "For every product sold, United By Blue removes one pound of trash from our world's oceans and waterways." How awesome! Check out their website here: they have some really cool gift ideas!

These are a few of my favorite things:

Seeing these types of companies makes me want to create my own! (Secret: could there possibly be a prospect in the works??). I'd love to be able to use my creative side more often and produce awesome products that have a great story, are USA made, durable, fun, and fresh.

In terms of home decor, I have been drooling over IGs like Apartment Therapy, IKEA, Homepolish, and Decor Aid - if only I had my own house!

As I keep telling my husband, it's a good thing that I don't have a lot of money to spend or I would be buying all things related to home, fashion, and baby all the time!

You can find me on Instagram to see what other accounts I enjoy perusing! 

*All photos & information are property of Rylee and Cru and United By Blue.

Diaper Bag Essentials

For the mamas out there, a diaper bag is a must-have accessory. When caring for little ones, you need to make sure that you're prepared for anything and everything which is why some items in the diaper bag are essentials. Of course, essentials can change with the seasons, but one thing remains certain: simple is better. It's heavy carrying a diaper bag, purse (which I tend not to use if carrying a diaper bag), and a baby in a carseat as you go about your day, so why not lighten the load a little?

+ Having a three-month old, the most important essential is diapers...obviously. Since we use cloth diapers, we also need diaper covers, and extra ones just in case she misses her target a little ;) Our Ecobum diaper covers aren't used a whole lot, but they have saved us on occasion and are a little easier to use than our other covers because they only require one row of buttons instead of the traditional two.

+ Since Vienna is breastfed, I need a cover for when I have to nurse in public. This leaf-patterned Eddie Bauer nursing cover is beautiful! The pattern is neutral, isn't too distracting for Vienna, and right now is a great complement to the autumn season. Plus it has little pockets at the bottom for storing nursing pads!

+ We just acquired the Natursutten Orthodontic rubber pacifier earlier this week and I am in love! The one we had was getting small and made of plastic (which made for marks on Vienna's cute cheeks from sucking so hard), so I was happy to get rid of it! I feel much better knowing she is sucking on something more natural and doesn't have to endure the painful plastic on the sides of her mouth.

+ Lately, Vienna has been loving this colorful horse toy given to her by her Aunt Emily. The colors and patterns make for good stimulation and she is even grabbing at it and trying to play with it! It's made of cloth so I don't have to worry about her biting on a hard, plastic toy.

+ They say it's important to start reading to children when they're young, so I'm starting to read to Vienna more often. This Brown Bear book is sturdy so I don't have to worry about it getting damaged, is small enough to carry around in the diaper bag, and also provides another source of stimulation and learning for Vienna whether looking at the pictures or listening to me read.

+ Vienna loves to be swaddled! This owl aden + anais swaddle blanket is HUGE and makes for perfect swaddling at any age. Also, since it's a thin, light-weight fabric, I don't have to worry about her sweating, but yet she is also able to still be warm when wearing warm pjs or clothes. Bonus: this blanket can also be used as a nursing cover! We have two of these (the other one has bees on it that we use to swaddle Vienna at night) and we use them all the time!

+ The weather is starting to get colder here in Michigan, so it's time to start busting out the hats and warm coats. We have been putting Vienna in a couple of different hats, but we always get a kick out of this tomato hat that our friends Zach & Laura gave to us. It's made out of thick wool and keeps Vienna's head nice and toasty :)

Some items that are not pictured that are also essential:

+ wipes for a poopy bottom

+ a bag for dirty dipes

+ an extra outfit (just in case!)

+ hand sanitizer

What are some of your diaper bag essentials?

Motherly Advice

*Let me preface this blog entry by stating that in no way am I trying to enforce my opinions or advice on anyone, nor am I "all knowing" in motherhood or parenting. I simply want to share some resources that I found useful during my pregnancy, and afterwards, that might be useful for others.

With news of many around me expecting a baby in the near future (or already parents), I thought it might be helpful to share some resources that were shared with me or that I found independently during my journey. These resources really helped me in order to prepare for all aspects of pregnancy, birth, and motherhood. I continuously try to use what I have learned and put this newly harnessed knowledge into practice each day.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

Pregnancy:

I wanted a medication-free/medical intervention-free birth for our child. However, if I felt that I truly could not go through the pain then I was open to accepting medication. Same with medical intervention - if my child or I were in danger or we did everything else we possibly could and there were no other options besides C-section then I was open to that intervention to help us. Thankfully, neither of those things happened. My labor and delivery experience went as close to our birth plan as possible. But, I truly feel that without having these resources at hand it would have been a little more difficult.

Yes, I went without medication through the entire labor and delivery process. The doctors were so amazed that I was doing such a good job. They thought I was a champ at giving birth "naturally" (um, isn't birth itself natural?). *I realized that I never shared Vie's birth story, but if you truly want to know the details then feel free to ask and I will share!

Let me just say that I was afraid of pregnancy and giving birth since high school. And how could I not be when women in society pound it into your head as such a terrible ordeal? All you hear about are the horror stories - where are the positive stories about birth? Enter Ina May Gaskin...

The first resource I read was Ina May Gaskin's book called Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. It was recommended to me by my SIL Alison. A great read! If you want to be empowered and fearless, I suggest reading other women's positive birth stories. Not only that, as a midwife, Ina May has direct knowledge about the whole process and has seen all types of things! And she is not afraid to talk about it bluntly :) She has great tips on different labor positions (which I used), the importance of breathing techniques and relaxation, and the importance of a loving and supportive coach.

Childbirth - Labor and Delivery:

Asa and I enrolled in some childbirth classes through the hospital which were actually pretty informative and useful. Being in a room with other expectant parents was a relief and the nurses who taught the classes made things less scary and more real. That was always my problem: my imagination and fear of the unknown drove me to think of childbirth in scary and painful ways when I found it not to be that way at all!

Again, Ina May's book was the most helpful for me in this area because it allowed for me to think of birth in a positive, natural light - which, after all, it is! And granted, my pregnancy and childbirth experiences were nice and easy (compared to some others), but I firmly believe that women need more confidence and support in this area and Ina May provided that for me.

Asa and I also took to another media outlet - movies. Actually, just one movie. A documentary called The Business of Being Born. I recommend! It discusses how hospitals view birth as procedures and place a lot of pressure upon women to get babies out as fast as possible. The documentary talks about the chain reaction that happens once you start a medication that is just fascinatingly disturbing and unknown by many. Anyway, I suggest checking that out for a lot more information. And I will say (in relation to this movie) that I am not at all opposed to giving birth in a hospital, but I realized after my experience that I could have totally given birth at home and probably will for the next one! Especially now that those nice hospital bills are coming in... :)

Breastfeeding:

I wasn't too keen on having to breastfeed either, but I knew it was going to be the best option. So, I took to another Ina May book recommended by my SIL: Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding. While I didn't enjoy this book as much as I did her other one, it did have a lot of helpful information that made breastfeeding a lot less awkward and weird to me.

Now, the end that never ends -

Parenting:

Parenting is a constant learning experience. While I can't speak about it too much right now, I can give some resources on it. I know there are a ton of books out there about how to get your child to sleep, the things you should be teaching them as a parent, how to discipline children, yadda yadda. I don't really like reading those books so I'll only read the sections I need help with. Well, another book my SIL recommended is Dr. Harvey Karp's The Happiest Baby On the Block. Dr. Karp is a pediatrician in New York and many celebrities even look to him for advice. This book is all about the "fourth trimester" and how to soothe colicky babies. I was reading this to prepare myself for a colicky baby, but she turned out not to be one (thank God!). However, even though we didn't use a lot of things he talked about, we did gain more knowledge about why colic happens, for how long, why babies should be in the womb for another three months, why babies like certain movements and sounds, etc. He is a great writer and he doesn't make you feel bad for not being able to soothe your baby!

I also read sections of a Slow and Steady Parenting book which discusses things like thumb sucking vs. pacifiers, Ferber method vs. comforting, etc. and the "short term solutions that lead to long term effects." The things parents sometimes never think about! I could spiel on these topics, but perhaps I should save that for a later entry or a face-to-face discussion!

Recently, I came across a vaccination resource since we now have to make decisions on whether or not to vaccinate our child. This topic has been of some recent debate and now that we are presented with it, my husband and I want to make sure we are doing good research. After all, we are the advocates and decision makers for our child so we need to make sure we are educated and keeping her safe. This resource I found is informational and presents some facts that were unknown to me. I find it to be a legitimate source and provider of some of the information I was seeking about whether or not to vaccinate. I do recommend reading the "Informed Consent" article under the ABOUT US section.

We also chose to use cloth diapers for our little one. It saves us so much money, is better for the environment, is hassle-free, and we get to use cute covers :) We go through a diaper service called Diapers Unlimited by Dydee Service. It's a diaper delivery service available in MI, IN and IL. Each week we pay a certain fee and get cloth diapers delivered to our door! - and they take the dirty ones away! It is SO helpful, especially since both my husband and I work full-time. They are easy to work with and very friendly so if you are thinking of doing cloth diapers for your babe I recommend giving them a call.

Lastly, I look to other moms and dads out there for different parenting styles. I believe all of us can learn from each other about the ways to raise our children. I find it fascinating the styles, techniques, disciplines, etc. that parents use - there is no universal way to raise children which I think all parents (at one point or another) wish was possible! :)

All in all, be an advocate for your child. Do what is safe, responsible, good, and healthy. I hope this entry has been of some use, and I am always open to questions and discussion! I might not know a lot, but I do know that in order for me to be a good mother I need to continuously do research and gain knowledge about a lot of things in order to grow, mature, and pass down wisdom :)

*Whichever stage you may be in, I hope you and your child are safe, happy, and healthy!*